The 'self'

This week we focussed on the presentation of the self, specifically looking at Goffman's arguments in 'The Nature of Deference and Demeanor' (1967). The self is made up of two concepts. Deference refers to the interactions that occur between individuals, and the specific 'rituals' that must take place within the interaction. For example, complimenting one another. Demeanor, on the other hand, refers to the way in which we present ourselves to society, for example, through the way we dress.

My understanding is that Goffman argues we will change our 'self' to suit the social situation we find ourselves in. In this way, I will present a different version of myself when I am working as a waitress, to the one found on the dance floor on a Wednesday night, and this is different again to the one who sits drinking tea with my grandmother. These different versions of a self help us, and those around us, to maintain certain relationships.

When doing my readings for this week I couldn't help thinking about the way in which I will be employing a different 'self' this very weekend. The situation is that my boyfriend's sister has got a tattoo this week. To be honest, I don't really like any tattoos but this one is particularly bad. I saw a photo of it and think it looks awful – I can't understand why anyone would want that permanently on their skin. This Saturday night we have a family dinner, and I know she will want to show me it in person. To tell her what I actually think of the tattoo will be breaking these unwritten social rules. It will cause an awkward and embarrassing moment for everyone there. In order to help her and myself 'keep face' I have two options. Either I will need to assume a new 'self' who tells her that I think it is great, or avoid the topic altogether. I will perform what Goffman calls an 'avoidance ritual'. Although it is a trivial matter, I cannot help being worried about it. =P

Goffman, E (1967) 'The nature of deference and demeanor' Interaction Ritual: Essays on Face-to-Face Behaviour, Doubleday, Garden City, NY, pp 47-95.